Healing for a broken heart is possible.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

When I was eight years old, my dad told me that he never wanted a daughter. He said he wanted all boys. Immediately, I went to my bedroom and cried. Reflecting on Psalm 139:13, which says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” I understood that God had created me to be a girl. I prayed, “God, why didn’t you make me a boy so he would want me?” I thought, “Why would he name me Julieanne, an obvious girls’ name?” I even began to problem solve and think, “Maybe someday science will advance to the point that I can have surgery to make me into a boy.”

For over 5 years, I didn’t want to wear dresses and I didn’t feel free to give my dad hugs. So, I wouldn’t do either if I could help it. By the time I was 14, It was very painful to see a father and daughter together. It was then that God began to heal my heart.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

He’s near during the pain, and He will heal us if we allow him to. He is so, so good. This is not temporary relief from the pain. The world has many remedies for temporary relief. I’m talking about true, inner healing.

I allowed God to heal my heart. I believe only He can do the internal change that is needed for complete healing. Consequently, I didn’t walk down a path of hating God because of my situation. I didn’t walk down a path of hating the fact that I was born a female. I believe God is attentive to the details, and in His sovereign wisdom, He created me to be a female.

For me, healing was a process. Although God could have healed me instantly, He didn’t. In the healing process, God helped me understand the things I couldn’t change, and accept the fact that I couldn’t change them. I couldn’t change the past, and I couldn’t change what my dad wanted. God spoke to me often about how much He loves me. In the healing process, I forgave my dad and was able to freely hug him and tell him that I love him by the time I was 18. God even helped me understand the developmental process of males and females that begins at conception, and that sex-reassignment surgery isn’t the answer.

As difficult as that season was, I realize now that experiential knowledge of God’s healing power came out of that. I cherish that. He is able to heal a broken heart and will every time we need Him to and allow Him to. He is so good. 

In Him,

Julieanne